My life has broken down. I've had a lot of thinking to do lately, and being back in the middle of no where has given me a lot of time to do it. Some time between September and the middle of November, I realized that I didn't want to become a lawyer anymore. I had lost interest, and the thoughts of potentially being nearly $150 000 in debt at the age of 25 is quite a deterrent. So, I began thinking. I started physiotherapy for my knee, and things have been getting better, which led me to wonder whether or not I would be able to pursue my long-lost dream of becoming a firefighter. Ever since my house burned to the ground in 1994, I had wanted to be a firefighter, but when my knee got bad, that dream was tossed, along with thoughts of being an RCMP officer. So I figured if I couldn't do either of those, I could settle for being a lawyer. You know - the noble suited lady in the courtroom, working her ass off to put arsonists and criminals behind bars where they belong.

Yeah. Fricking. Right.

So, I came to a moral crossroads. I realized that I wasn't at McMaster to for myself, and I realized that I didn't want to continue on with graduate studies after finishing my undergrad. So I started talking to someone back home who happens to be the Fire Chief, and tried to figure out my options. He helped me figure out if firefighting is what I really want, and according to him I seem pretty sincere about it. It's not just some phase that I'm going through. This is the real deal. Then we started talking about whether I'd want to do it on a full-time or volunteer basis. He works as a volunteer, and I don't know if full-time is for me or not, but that's what I'm aiming for right now. Either way, he suggested that to figure out if I'd even enjoy the job that I should likely try to get in as a volunteer and just take a year off from University. This sounded fine and dandy until I realized that I'd have to start paying back my student loan, and would also lose my CPP Survivor's Benefit that I receive. This wasn't a possibility for me, so I chose the next best thing. There are some colleges in Ontario that have a Fire Sciences school, where I can take a certificate course in their program called Pre-Service Firefighter Education and Training. This is a 38-week course split into three semesters. The first two semesters help build theory and skill, while the third term is served in a practicum at a fire station somewhere, where you're treated as a probationary firefighter. After that you can write the OFM Firefighter test and be certified.

Now I've applied to four of those colleges, and not too many people believe I am cut out to be a firefighter. However, I plan on showing them that I can indeed do this, and will make a competent firefighter. I'm quite excited and am waiting anxiously for news from the colleges. With any luck I'll be accepted - fingers crossed. If not, I'll have to find another way to get into the profession, but I won't give up. Sure, it'll be a kick in the pants, having been accepted to two of the top Universities in Canada but being turned down from four colleges, but it's not the end of the world and I'm ready to face this the only way I know how. Head-on.

Wish me luck